Why does my husband think its normal for daughter(14) to get drunk, give b.j. to 18 yr old unknown g

[Eve]

Help! My daughter came home totally drunk, probably had sex with 18 year old she barely knew. I know she needs counseling, discussions..<br />
<br />
My husband(J) decided after talking to the guys in the office that teens get in trouble, its OK. I had a detective ready to open a complaint, but suddenly J yelled at the top of his lungs at daughter "Your mother is going to have (boy) arrested and put in jail!"<br />
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Daughter was traumatized, locked herself in bathroom, was crying uncontrollably, didn't want to live, so I promised her not to report him.<br />
<br />
J took control of daughter a long time ago. It's like J has custody. I fought but J was giving her $, buying stuff, letting her stay out for days. When I stopped her from sneaking out, J would get mad at me for starting arguments.<br />
<br />
This is paranoid, but after my daughter was born, one night J made a tearful confession that J's younger brother was blackmailing him because J abused brother (and sister) when he was a teen. J. said he had been abused by neighbors, didn't know it was wrong at the time.<br />
<br />
I did not do anything. I had cancer at the time. I was in the hospital half the time.<br />
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J and I don't have sex much. No desire on my part, emotional alienation. <br />
<br />
Is he getting some creepy gratification from her sexual behavior? Wouldn't a caring Dad be angry at the 18 yr old guy? Would he think B.J.'s are OK? <br />
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I think it's demeaning and dangerous for a young girl to get wasted, blow some guy for what? At least get love and pleasure.<br />
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J and daughter refuse counseling, because now it is normal. If I leave she will stay with him. Yes, I am in counseling, once every 2 weeks.<br />
Not OK!<br />
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1. How do I force J, daughter to go to counseling?<br />
<br />
2. If this is abuse, how do I catch him? We live in a small house. I am home 24/7. He got very upset when I used a semen detection kit to see if my daughter was too drunk to remember sex. Said I was a sick pervert. The police didn't seem to think so.<br />
<br />
3. How much harder can I fight for partnership? <br />
We took 16 week parenting class- teacher said you're on your own. I left once, filed restraining order, started divorce proceedings - he took daughter out of daycare, gave her to strangers who took her out of state, he froze my assets so I was homeless. On the day before court, he told a psychiatrist I was suicidal. I was picked up by police and EMT, locked up in a hospital. The psychiatrist he picked to report "suicide threat" shows up as my doctor. When I said I would go back home, behave, doctor let me out on meds. <br />
<br />
I had a 10% chance of living a year. Still sick from chemo.<br />
<br />
Would it be better to risk him getting custody?<br />

 

[LULU]

He probably lets her do what she wants because he wants her to like him more or something or he is just a freak

 

[QuietGirlL]

I hope you take no offense to this but, WHAT?!?!?!? Your husband is an ass. Make sure your daughter knows it is ABSOLUTELY NOT okay. First off IT'S ILLEGAL. Second all dads should be super protective of their daughters!! Either your husband is a little....weird...Or he doesnt care that much. She could get an STD, or if she thinks a B.J. is okay and she may consider sex!! Does he want his daughter pregnant?? It's seriously odd. Getting drunk is absolutely not okay also!! It's ALSO illegal, and shes popping brain cells!! It can make her sick! AND no one makes good desicions drunk. You dont want her to become addicted, or others to take advantage of her!!!! She could get seriously hurt! ( Sorry honey. Talk to him, and good luck!!!

 

[Thegirlnexttoyou]

wow (
thats bad!
and im 14

she needs to get counceling
and so does "J"
i think you shouldnt get any
counceling because there is
no fault in you but wow . . . . .
my mom would beat me if she thought i did that

sorry for your unruly child (

 

[Kendra]

thats completely not normal, and you can report him because he's being sexual with a girl four years younger than him, a minor. your husband definitely need counseling and your daughter does also. that's something you need to talk to them about and hold strong on your half, or else your daughter will be running wild and could end up pregnant very soon or end up with STI's or Aids/Hiv. talk to your daughter about it, show her the reality of what could happen to her. and i don't think your daughter should be getting wasted at 14 years old, thats not a very good thing.

 

[JanessaG]

your husband is a sick twisted pedophile perverted bastard!!!!!!

 

[Kadinsky]

Have you ever talked to your daughter about drugs and sex?

It is normal for people to experiment at that age, especially when they have questions they want answered.

I think you're putting too much blame on your partner, and have to face the possibility that you haven't been the best mother. I don't know you, so it would be wrong of me to place all the blame on you, I'm just forming opinions from what little you've told us about the situation. In the end, kids will be kids.

 

[cwfuturewrestler]

I think u should have him arrested, but thats just me. He sounds like he needs some anger classes or something, and all three should be in counseling. Its hard im sure, but maybe sitting down with her and explaining to her what her behavior will lead to in the future. STDs, including AIDS, and also pregnancy. Have her stay with a baby for a day or two (like you see on tv), and hope that helps. I can tell u care about her.

 

[BenK]

Hi i'm nonly 14 but we have girls in our class that sound like that. Pretty mush the same. Sex, Drugs, everything, they've done it all. They always try to sleaze over us guys and we were thinkin about it and it's there life not ours or yours. But since shes your daughter and she lives in YOUR house i think you should tell her that se needs to shape up or ship out. What's gonna happen when she fids out she's pregnnt? She's gonna look up to you for help and money. It's a sad path for them to take but it is there life and you can't control them forever.

 

[heythere]

wow my little came back drunk with an 18 year old she didnt know and hickies and my mom grounded her the whole summer. you really need to take control. her dad may be abusing her

 

[nodrama]

This is NOT o.k. I had my first child at 14 and if she keeps this up she is well on her way. You say you faught but you didn't fight hard enough!! If he has an abuse issue with his brother an sister why would you trust your child there. I would go through high and hell water to make sure my children were safe and o.k. and home with me. She likes being with him cause he lets her do whatever the hell she wants. She is not grown she is a child who needs guidance and he cannot provide it!! So what if she cries kicks an screams, Tell her if she does it again you are reporting it. You and J really need to get together and discuss what is best for her. Not you or him! In the long run it will be much harder on the both of you if your trying to raise grandchildren when you 2 are having an issue with getting a grip on your own child.I am not trying to be rude but I have defiantly done that been there and wished things could have been different.

 

[aingram912]

i hate to say this but could he be abusing her? people who sexually abuse generally don't just stop or lose that desire. i worked as a counselor with sex offenders for a few years. your daughters acting out behavior is a sign that something she doesn't want to confront is happening in her life. also, a lot of times the abused looks for approval or support from the abuser. especially in incest situations. the abuser tends to do whatever they need to keep the secret and continue abusing. the abuser also will go to great lengths to make "friends" with the abused. sticking up for them. being on the side of the abused...etc.. in a parent situation, letting them do what they want, approving of negative behavior. i hope that this is not the case, but your story raised suspicions in my mind

 

[7331]

Wow ! I certainly enjoyed reading that! Unique style!
Umm about your daughter, well you have only assumed the sex bit though the drunk bit probably didn't need much confirming. She should not be drinking alcohol at her age. If you have concerns you should be having words with J. Regardless of his knowing or not knowing what was right or wrong, he's old enough to know by now. It would be a criminal offence for an 18 year old to engage in sex with your underage daughter, but nowadays it's becoming more common than we should be comfortable with.
I'm not really sure what your question is but I would sugget you keep up the counselling and perhaps aim to educate your daughter in more wordly ways?

Finally, I remember watching soap many years ago, and their episodes always started and ended in a brief summary of previous episodes. If they should ever bring it back maybe you could audition for the job of 'summariser?

 

[ChrisA]

Okay, that is weird. You need to take action against him. Don't let him ruin your daughter's life! Go to the cops or something.

 

[KirstenF]

Ok its not good at all.

Is it possible that your husband is abusing ur daughter?

Ive read in books that kids of abused and abusive parents will react what they have had happen to them. which could mean she is abusing others or the sexual appotite is kicking in and thats why she is messin around with this 18 yr old.
whether they like it or not they need counseling!
This isnt right and if your husband thinks hes right and what his daughter is doing is right sumthin in his HEAD is wrong!

So get help.
leave him if your not happy. then go to the judge and ask for custody!

 

[PeterD]

Because the A-Hole is as sick as he's trying to make your daughter. That definitely is not normal. I have a daughter and I can tell you he's living on the other side of the rainbow. There is no way I would stand for to even think about thinking it. I would closely watch which way his relationship is going with her. It's sick to say but he may have not so good thoughts or intentions. She may be having "to show her appreciation" for the lifestyle he is allowing her. Get both you and your daughter to counciling immediately. Screw the jerk!

 

[7331]

I think that you have a major problem and it started with your husband! I think that he has been molesting his daughter for years and has been paying her to allow him to do so. The 18 year old bf is just another enticement. That way he can keep doing what he is doing. I know that had anyone ever done my daughter the way this boy did yours I would make sure he could never do it again to anyone! Call the Police and report both of their actions toward you daughter! End it now! Good Luck!

 

[jdubs]

maybe J's the 18 year old guy